SCARED SILLY at HALLOWEEN

 

If you want to be frighteningly funny this Halloween, here is a list of 100 MONSTER JOKES for you. And if you have a favorite Monster Joke you don’t see on my list, please send it to me. I’d love to share it!!!

Monster Jokes

1. What do vampire parents read to their kids?

(Bite-time stories)

 

2. What baseball position do young vampires like to be?

(Bat boys)

 

3. What works out at the gym, has a long tail, and lives in a lake in Scotland?

(The Jock Ness Monster)

 

4. What creature is part vampire and part werewolf?

(A bloodhound)

 

5. How would you create the world’s biggest stinker?

(Cross Bigfoot with a skunk)

 

6. Why did the mummy lose track of time?

(He was all wrapped up in his work.)

 

7, Why are mummies such good workers?

(They like to get a job wrapped up ASAP.)

 

8. How does a vampire know if he’s found the right mate?

(It’s love at first bite!)

 

9. How does Dracula get brighter teeth?

(He bites a light bulb.)

 

10. Why was the Invisible Man such a good guy?

(His conscience was always clear.)

 

11. How did the mad scientist keep in shape?

(He became a body builder.)

 

12. What does a zombie use after trimming his whiskers in the morning?

(Aftergrave lotion)

 

13. Why did the monster collect clocks?

(He was trying to kill time.)

 

14. What do near-sighted ghosts to need to wear to see better?

(Spook-tacles)

 

15, How do you know when a ghost is about to faint?

(He gets as pale as a sheet.)

 

16. What do overweight ghosts need to do?

(Exorcise)

 

17. What medicine does a vampire use when his throat hurts?

(Coffin drops)

 

18. Why did the dog want a costume?

(So he could dress up for Howl-oween)

 

19. Which piece of clothing can become haunted?

(A pair of scaredy pants)

 

20. What fruit do ghosts like best?

(Boo-berries!)

 

21. What food is a ghost’s favorite?

(Ghoulash)

 

22. Other than a cemetery and a haunted house, where is a good place for a ghost to live?

(A ghost town)

 

23. Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders?

(They have great spirit.)

 

24. What day is a monster’s favorite?

(Frightday)

 

25. What road has the most ghosts haunting it?

(A dead end!)

 

26. What position does a ghost play in soccer?

(Ghoulie!)

 

27. What monster plays tricks on Halloween?

(Prank-enstein!)

 

28. Why did the vampire flunk art class?

(Because he could only draw blood!)

 

29. What’s the problem with twin witches?

(You can’t tell which witch is which!)

 

30. What do you do with a green monster?

(Wait until she’s ripe!)

 

31. Why didn’t the zombie go to school?

(He felt rotten!)

 

32. Why did the cyclops stop teaching?

(Because he only had one pupil!)

 

33. Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?

(Because there are so many plots there!)

 

34. What’s the best way to talk to a monster?

(From afar!)

 

35. What’s big, scary, and has three wheels?

(A monster riding a tricycle!)

 

36. How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?

(With a pumpkin patch!)

 

37. What do ghosts like for dessert?

(I scream!)

 

38. What do you do if you find Frankenstein in your bed?

(Find a different bed!)

 

39. What baseball position does Frankenstein like to play?

(Fright fielder)

 

40. Because vampires don’t like to brush their teeth they have what?

(Bat breath)

 

41. Why is Frankenstein known as a friendly fellow?

(He’s always ready to give a hand…or a foot…or…)

 

42. What did the Cyclops teacher tell his student?

(Watch out! I’ve got my eye on you!)

 

43. What’s ancient and itchy?

(A fleahistoric monster)

 

44. What is a mummy’s favorite music?

(Wrap)

 

45. What happens to Frankenstein when he gets upset?

(He falls to pieces.)

 

46. What do you call a frightful cow?

(A MOOOOster)

 

47. What animal is a vampire’s favorite?

(A giraffe)

 

48. Where do werewolves go who want to be in the movies?

(Howlywood)

 

49. Where do zombies go to snorkel?

(The Dead Sea)

 

50. What do you call a vampire who eats between meals?

(Snack-ul)a

 

51. Which vampire is really good at math?

(COUNT Dracula)

 

52. What does a witch like to write with?

(A magic marker)

 

53. What game do little monster like to play?

(Hide and shriek)

 

54. Which Great Lake is the monsters’ favorite?

(Lake Eerie)

 

55. Why are skeletons so lonely?

(They have noBODY.)

 

56. Why do none of the monsters want Bigfoot’s job?

(He has such BIG shoes to fill!)

 

57. Which monster likes African safaris?

(The big game haunter)

 

58. What’s the difference between a monster and a chocolate chip cookie?

(It’s much harder to dip a monster in a glass of milk.)

 

59. Which is a ghost’s favorite ride at an amusement park?

(The roller-ghoster)

60. What type of mistakes to ghosts make?

(Boo-boos)

 

61. How do you get a skeleton to laugh?

(Tickle its funny bone.)

62. What happened when the mummy ate too much?

(He got a mummy ache!)

 

63. How do you make a witch itch?

(Take away the “w”.)

 

64. Why did the dog want a costume?

(So he could dress up for Howl-oween!)

 

65. What subject do witches like best at school?

(Spell-ing)

 

66. Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

(You can see right through them.)

 

67. What room do zombie houses never have?

(A living room)

 

68. Why do many ghosts like books?

(They are ghostwriters.)

 

69. Why do ghosts not take selfies?

(They’re not much to look at)

 

70. What do monsters ride to school in?

(A ghoul-bus)

 

71. What’s a mummies favorite game?

(Name That Tomb)

 

72. Why are there fences around cemeteries?

(People are just dying to get in!)

 

73. Where do little ghosts go to school?

(Day Scare)

 

74. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

(No Body)

 

75. Which story do all little witches like to hear at bedtime?

(Little Red Ghoully Hood and the Three Scares)

 

76. Why wouldn’t the skeleton work?

(He was a lazy bones.)

 

77. How does a monster score a football touchdown?

(He runs over the ghoul line.)

 

78. What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?

(A trombone)

 

79. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friend?

(He’s a pain in the neck.)

 

80. What’s a monster’s favorite play?

(Romeo and Ghoulilet)

 

81. What do witches put in their hair?

(Scare spray)

 

82. Why couldn’t the ghost see her mom and dad?

(They were trans-parents!)

 

83. Which monster is the best dancer?

(The Boogey Man)

 

84. What’s worse than being a two-ton witch?

(Being her broom)

 

85. Which circus act do vampires like best?

(The juggler)

 

86. How do you know if it’s a terrible mummy joke?

(It Sphinx!)

 

87. Who did Frankenstein take to the party?

(His ghoul friend)

 

88. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

(When you’re a mouse)

 

89. What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

(A fence)

 

90. What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

(Count Quackula)

 

91. Why did the monster buy another sock?

(Because it grew another foot!)

 

92. What kind of lock does Dracula have on his castle?

(A dead bolt)

 

93. How do monsters stay cool?

(Turn on the scare conditioner)

 

94. Why wasn’t there any food left after the party?

(Because everyone was a goblin)

 

95. What type of art does Frankenstein create?

(Monster pieces)

 

96. What kind of horses do ghosts ride?

(Night mares)

 

97. What kind of monster has the best hearing?

(The eeriest)

 

98. What do ghosts like to eat with a sandwich?

(Ghoulslaw)

 

99. What’s scary and goes to the second floor?

(Monstairs)

 

100. What did Frankenstein say to his new girlfriend?

(I’ve been dying to meet you!!!)

 

Happy Halloween!